Dying Inside
by LostxCause
Summary: Draco Malfoy's father is abusing him, his life is hell, no one cares about him, and he's ready to end it all...can someone show him that they really do care? I suck at summaries. PLEASE R&R! Rated for language and self mutilation. Rating MAY go up...
1. Chapter 1

**Dying Inside **

A/N: Hey! My second fic, first Harry Potter fic! This is just my first chappy so I don't know how it'll turn out, as in Draco and ??? romance! So..uh...there! Hope you enjoy! Please R & R!!! I appreciate it so much! I'm also pondering a title and chapter titles...thinks

_Edit: Please disregard that A/N. It's old._

Disclaimer: I own nuthin but the plot...sadly. If only I owned Draco...

.-.-.-.**Chapter 1**.-.-.-.

Draco Malfoy sat by the lake on Hogwarts Grounds. He stared deep into it, lost in thought, thinking of what had happened that night.

_---Flashback---_

Draco walked down one of the many dark corridors of Malfoy Manor, but stopped suddenly hearing muffled noises in the room closest to him. He crept over to the door and peered in from beside the doorframe. He held in a small gasp at what he saw. His father, Lucius Malfoy, stood in the center of the room talking to a large hooded figure with glowing red eyes. Draco knew at once who this was, having seen him at the Manor many times before. Lord Voldemort. He knew his father was a Death Eater of course, and always had to be Voldemort's top follower, as he would do anything to please him. They talked for about another 5 minutes or so and, other than a few random words here and there, Draco really only figured out the last few things they said since they kept their voices pretty low.

"When will you tell him?...You _are_ telling him aren't you?" The Dark Lord questioned coldly.

"Tonight. Shall I get him now?" Lucius replied.

"Go."

And with Voldemort's orders, Lucius turned and started toward the door. Draco, not wanting to be caught, ran as fast as he could to his room on the next floor, sat down on his bed, and pretended he had been there the whole time. Very soon after, Lucius walked slowly in and stood in front of him.

"Draco, I need to inform you of something." He looked down at the blonde boy.

"Yes, Father?" he said, trying not to sound nervous. After all, anything that had to do with Voldemort couldn't be good.

"First of all, you are very privileged."

"Why...?"

"Because tonight you will join the most powerful wizard in the world...Lord Voldemort. Tonight, Draco, you become a Death Eater." Lucius said smirking evilly.

Draco swallowed hard. He didn't want to become a Death Eater. He didn't want to be like his father, he didn't want to grow to be someone who murdered innocent people and beat his own son.

"W-what if I don't want to?" he stuttered, afraid of what his Lucius would do to him if he refused.

Lucius instantly pulled out his black wand from it's snake-headed sheath and held it just beneath Draco's chin. "Didn't you hear me? I _told_ you, you were going to be a Death Eater. I didn't _ask_you. That is the reason you're here today, actually. Voldemort."

Draco swallowed again, looking at the wand, having being hit with curses from it many times before. "What do you mean? The reason I'm here?" he asked with a hint of malice in his voice.

"Heh...you're not here because I _wanted_ a son.....No, I never wanted a son nor daughter. But Voldemort, for accepting a new Death Eater, he must be given something in return. Something precious. I chose to give Voldemort the best: another faithful follower. I found you're mother, pretended to love her, and she had you. The _only_ reason you're here is to serve the Dark Lord, the greatest wizard that ever lived. And you will, whether it be willingly or not." Lucius scoffed disgustedly.

The blonde boy couldn't believe what he had just heard. He had been told many horrible things before, but this was just...the worst. And it was the truth. Tears began to slowly well up in his silvery-gray eyes, but he held them back. Draco didn't want to let himself cry in front of Lucius, it would just give him more satisfaction. He narrowed his eyes at the father he had once trusted as Mr. Malfoy pulled the wand back.

"I hate you. You call this a privilege? It's nothing more than a death sentence and you're nothing but a filthy, lying, bastard...just like Voldemort." Draco stood up in anger, knuckles white as he clenched his fists.

Lucius, as if it was a reflex, thrust his wand out again and pointed it at his son. "Crucio!" he yelled. And Draco, with a yelp of sudden pain, dropped to the floor to his knees and fell over onto his side, clutching his chest. He writhed on the cold marble, holding back screams, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Never insult Lord Voldemort." Lucius said coldly as he removed the curse from Draco and he lay there gasping, eyes still closed. "And wipe those damn tears off your face, Malfoys don't cry."

Draco mustered up all the strength he could and lifted himself up painfully, his tear-stained face looking up at his father. "I won't. I won't end up like you." he insisted, his eyes filled with anger and hate.

Glaring, Lucius then muttered a spell under his breath, pointed his wand, and before Draco had the chance to move, his wrists were bound together with some sort of cords, a black glow radiating from them. Dark magic, no doubt. The Death Eater turned, pulling Draco roughly down the hall behind him, making his way back to the room where Voldemort waited impatiently.

_---Flashback to be continued---_

Story to be continued

.--..--..--.

A/N: Hope you liked it ; Please review!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Dying Inside**

A/N: Yo, yo, yo! I'm back everyone! Thank you for reviewing! Oh, and by the way, this is not a songfic, but I do associate a lot of music with my stories and there will be lyrics and stuff. Not yet though! Okay, I'll remember to spell 'Lucius' right this time! Thanks France3470! Also, I'd like to apologize that I'm not very good at paragraphing ' I get confused at where to start and end them! Please R&R again, even if you already reviewed for the first chapter! Thanks again!

_Edit: Disregard this A/N, please. It's old…Even if I still suck at paragraphing!_ P

.-.-.-.**Chapter 2**.-.-.-.

_---Flashback continued---_

Young Malfoy hung his head. Though he was usually a fighter, he knew he couldn't break free and had no chance of escaping his father now. He looked at his wrists, still pale as always, but they were beginning to become sore began to burn because the magical restraints were too tight.

They walked down huge, darkened corridors, walls lined with pictures of his ancestors; much of which were vampires and veelas, explaining the pale skin and silvery-blonde hair. Draco looked up at his father, who still had a straight face, and looked back down, his mind racing. They went down a flight of stairs and Lucius took him into the eerie room where he and Voldemort had been talking. A small, wooden table sat in the middle of the floor now and he led Draco to it. Lucius hit the boy with a spell, causing him to fall weakly to his knees in front of the table. He pulled the cord with a flick of his wand, slamming Draco's arms onto it, his palms facing up. Draco was now starting to breathe heavily again and could feel his heart pounding in his chest, becoming overwhelmed with fear. His father took step forward, looking down at Draco and Voldemort stood at his side.

He shuddered as he looked at the Dark Lord, never having been in such close contact with him. It seemed that just his presence had lowered the temperature in the room and Draco was almost sure that if he would look, he would be able to see his own ragged breath. A feeling of dread hung in the air around them as Lucius glanced at Voldemort and they both nodded. The immortal wizard pulled his wand from his long, black cloak, examined it for a few seconds, and lowered it slowly to Draco's right arm. Draco knew what was happening; He was going to get the Dark Mark, the first step of being initiated as a Death Eater. His whole body was shaking severely. He was so scared and he could feel his eyes burning with unshed tears.

Voldemort stared down at him with his piercing gaze as if he was mentally boring holes into him. The end of his wand touched Draco's arm and immediately he was in excruciating pain; Pain he never thought he would ever feel in his life, it was so intense. He tried to hold it in, but couldn't and he screamed. Already sweaty, and panting he looked at his arm. A black outline of a skull with a snake protruding from it's mouth was forming.

"STOP! STOP IT! PLEASE!" he begged, but his father just laughed and Voldemort never broke his concentration on Draco.

Now the outline was complete, but it was still not done. The facial details were not even started yet, and Draco felt like he was going to die right there. He was pulling hard on his bindings, but with no avail.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bolt of golden light hit them and he fell, hitting the floor with all his weight on his back. The cords were broken.

Lucius and Voldemort turned, but were caught off-guard with another burst of light and both were flung into the opposite wall. Draco climbed to his feet and ran to the door. He stared, tears running down his pale face, at his mother, Narcissa Malfoy.

"M-mum!!! What are we gonna---" he stammered, but she interrupted.

"Draco, listen to me. I want you to get your broom and some of your things and get out of here. Get to Hogwarts. Fly there, I know you can. You're safe there, they can't hurt you if Dumbledore's there. We haven't much time before those two get back up." she explained quickly, gesturing to Lucius and Voldemort. "I love you, son. Please be careful and don't turn back no matter what! Just please get out of here. Good luck always. Love you SO much, with all of my heart!" she said in between breaths and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you, Mum." he sobbed and looked over as the two stirred.

"Run!" Narcissa yelled, looking at him and pointing her wand into the room.

Draco nodded and sprinted to his bedroom as fast as his exhausted body would go, his sides aching painfully, and grabbed his black and green custom Firebolt, threw everything he could grab, and emptied drawers of clothes hastily into a huge trunk. He flicked his wand at it, so that it would hang from the back of his broom weightlessly, climbed onto his broom and sped down the stairs back to where his mother was.

"I love you, Draco! Go!" she yelled again as she saw him come back down.

He nodded again, disheveled blonde hair falling in his face. "I love you---" he was cut off.

_"AVADA KEDAVRA!"_ he heard Lucius bellow and saw his mother fall to the floor. He gasped and wanted so badly to go back after her, but remembered what she told him. Get himself out.

Draco took one last look back at his mother's lifeless body, and with tears streaming, sped through the corridors as fast as he could and finally out into the darkness, the blank stare in her brilliant blue eyes remaining in his mind.

_---End Flashback---_

.-.-.-.TBC.-.-.-.

A/N: Weeeelll? How was it? Tell me..NOOOWWWW!!!! Ok, hehe. Review please!


	3. Chapter 3

**Dying Inside**

A/N: Okay, peoples! Looks like its gonna be Draco and Hermione! Sorry, if that's not what you wanted, BUT if I have time I will do parodies of my original story with different people. Prolly only DM/GW and DM/HP. Kk? Sorry for waiting forever to update, but I had finals in school, man they suck ass, and I've been having a lot going on lately! And by the way, if you don't remember, the flashback is over (it ended in the last chapter!)!

_Edit: Disregard this A/N. It's old._

.-.-.-.**Chapter 3**.-.-.-.

Draco felt hot tears fall down his cheeks, the horrible, vivid memory etched into his mind. He watched as his tears fell into the lake, creating small ripples. The 16 year-old then looked to his arm where the tattoo was still burning badly. Draco watched it, when suddenly a searing pain jolted down his arm. He grasped it tightly, feeling it getting hot. When he took away his hand, he saw the rest of the Dark Mark beginning to form.

"Voldemort must be finishing it from wherever he is..." he whispered aloud, his voice shaking. Voldemort was strong enough again that once he started marking a person, he could finish it without being present, using extreme concentration. That was why he stared at Draco so intensely when he began to mark him.

In no time, the jet black tattoo was complete. The full Dark Mark. Draco Malfoy was a Death Eater.

He stared at it for a few minutes, tears streaming down his face once again. He knew that if his father or Voldemort ever got a hold of him again they would make him go through the rest of the initiation, which included going through 2 unbearable hours of the Cruciatus Curse and killing innocent people just for the sake of admission, not to mention he would be in deep trouble for escaping.

Draco was afraid. Afraid like he was many other times in the Malfoy household. His father beat him regularly when he disagreed with him or didn't listen. This was why he was so cold towards people. It's how he was brought up. His mom loved him, but Lucius was abusive to her, too. Many nights his parents would fight, if Draco tried to stop them he was very severely punished...so many times he would just lock himself in his room and cry, but he never cried in front of anyone, in fear of his father.

Malfoy buried his face in his hands and pondered the same question over and over..._'Should I just finish this now and get it all over with?...My life is pure Hell...what do I have to lose? I have no family left that actually gives a fuck about me, no one here does--the only so-called friends I have only want me for my money, and to top it all off, I'm being forced to serve the Dark Lord..'_ he thought, putting a hand in his pocket which held a small silver dagger. The blade was curvy, very thin and shined like it had never been used. The handle was shaped into an ornate Egyptian ankh with a miniature dragon in the center. It's eyes were inlayed with shimmering emeralds and the rest was pure, unmarked silver.

He pulled out the knife and came to a conclusion. _'Nothing. I have nothing to lose. Everyone will be happier without me anyway. Especially Potter and his friends...oh, they'll have a banquet when they hear about this.'_ A small smile played at his lips. "See you soon mum.." he whispered.

And with this final decision, he took the dagger, placed it against his wrist, and slashed across it semi-deeply. The moonlight glinted off the dagger eerily as Draco watched the crimson red blood form a pool on his wrist, then fall to the ground, some dripping into the lake turning it a deep purple-red as tears fell down his cheeks. He did this a few more times, before speaking again, not realizing he was thinking aloud. "Okay, enough playing around.." Draco bit his lip, finally dragging the blade vertically up his arm along the main vein, tears still unceasing.

At that moment, Hermione Granger sat in bed staring at the ceiling, not able to get one wink of sleep. She sighed deeply, almost never having such a bad case of insomnia. Hermione looked to the wall of the dormitory at the quietly ticking clock which read 3:17AM.

The brunette had begun to have more disrespect for the rules after being best friends with Harry and Ron, who broke at least 3 rules a day, usually sneaking out after curfew, wandering the corridors, and sneaking sweets from the house elves in the school's hidden kitchen.

Hermione kicked off the thin sheet and stood up. She was clad in a baby blue spaghetti-strap top, which revealed her midriff, and matching blue shorts. She stretched a bit, making sure not to trip over her shoes at the side of her bed. Hermione walked over to the window gazing out at the night sky, then looking to the lake where she saw, by moonlight, a boy. She was sure it was a boy because of the short haircut and his form. She only saw their back and couldn't tell what they were doing, but thought she should check it out. _'Who would be out at this hour of the night and why? It's way past curfew, even Harry and Ron don't go out this late...I'm going out...they must be up to something.'_ Hermione told herself in her mind before changing into a pair of faded blue jeans, pulling a petite black jacket on over her camisole pajamas and heading unnoticeably through the empty common room, dark corridors, and out onto the moonlit grounds of Hogwarts.

.-.-.-._TBC_.-.-.-.

Dances Yippeeee!!! I actually, finally got another chapter finished!!! Aren't you so proud of me? Haha ' Hm...now I have to think of some new ideas for later chapters! Oh, and do you think I should raise the rating? Well, all I can say is....review! Thanks for reading!...one more thing- if you didn't already, you must see the movie Spirited Away! It's very good and now I see why it got best animated movie of the year! Haku is MINE!..hehe...


	4. Chapter 4

**Dying Inside**

A/N: Guess who's back...back again...I'm back!!! Well, here's chapter 4! R&R! Thanks to my reviewers!!! And now finally, I'm adding a song to this chapter!!! It's Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park! Actually, I think that's the song that inspired me to write this story so you can thank Linkin Park if you like my story!

_**Edit:** Disregard this A/N. It's old._

.-.-.-.**Chapter 4**.-.-.-.

Mild light from the moon glinted off Draco Malfoy's silvery blonde hair as he continued to slash both of his wrists nonstop, though getting weaker each time. He cried, but didn't sob or make any noise, just cried silently as tears fell down his cheeks and into the edge of the lake or ground, one or two occasionally dripping onto one of his bloody wrists.

_Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again  
_

Hermione slowly began to approach him, still not knowing his identity. She squinted her eyes slightly, trying to figure it out as she came closer, her shoes collected dew from the cool grass as she walked. When she was close enough, about 8 feet away, she noticed his trademark blonde hair and very pale skin, and knew right then he was Draco Malfoy.

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused  
_

Hearing footsteps, Draco wiped away his tears with one hand, streaking one if his cheeks with crimson red. He held the knife in his right hand, blood dripping from the end while his hand shook nervously.

Then she saw it. The dagger shining brightly in the moonlight and the tiny, glittering emerald eyes of the dragon. She couldn't hold it in and gasped slightly, half expecting him to turn around and bitch at her for bothering him, but he didn't. Hermione ran over and stood, hovering, beside him.

"Malfoy, what the hell are you doing?!" she asked, almost yelling.

He had turned his wrists downward when he heard her, so she hadn't seen them yet. Draco looked up at her, his faced smeared with tears and a smudge of blood.

"I'm ending it. Everything......" he muttered, barely audible enough for her to hear. He was too upset to make up some lie about being fine and shooing her away.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight  
_

"What? What in the world are you talking about?!"

Hearing her question, he turned over his wrists, blood still trickling down the sides of his arms and covering his hands. Hermione's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She dropped to her knees beside him.

"You can't kill yourself! I know I'm not particularly fond of you, but I can't just sit here and let you die!" she yelled and without warning, grabbed his wrists tightly to try cut off the bleeding.

"I have to! I want to! You just don't want my blood on your hands, to feel guilty, though I don't know why you would anyway!" Malfoy yelled back.

"Why would you want to?! You have everything you could possibly want!"

"No, Granger, I don't!" said the blonde, his eyes filled with tears, but he didn't let them fall. "No one likes me! My mother's dead! My father hates me! He only wanted me so he could give me to Voldemort! That's what he told me…" Draco trailed off.

_Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again _

Hermione still held his wrists tight, even though he tried to pull away.

"Th-that's awful!" she shrieked. It hurt her to see anyone like this, even if he was Malfoy. She felt her throat tighten like she was going to cry herself.

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused  
_

"And he tried to force me into becoming a Death Eater..."

Her eyes widened again.

"But...my mum saved me..." he explained, not knowing why he was telling her all of this.

Hermione was about to sigh in relief, but before she could...

"...so he killed her...right in front of me..." Draco choked out, but still didn't let himself cry in front of Hermione.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight _

She looked into his gray eyes. She used to look into those same eyes with hate, but now she saw the tears, and she too, felt like crying.

"Oh my God...Malfoy..I...I'm so sorry...." Still staring into his teary eyes. "It's okay to cry..." she assured him.

And with that, he broke down crying. Hermione never did, nor thought she ever would, see Draco Malfoy this way. She watched him for a few seconds then pulled him into a hug, letting him collapse into her arms, weak from blood loss.

"Please...Hermione..." she was astounded at hearing him say her first name for the first time since probably their first year at Hogwarts. "...just let me die...I can't stand living like this...my mum was all I had left.....I'm tired of getting tortured by my dad...It's killing me..." he sobbed into her shoulder. "I'm dying inside."

_I'll paint it on the walls  
Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends  
_

"No....I can't do that. Let me try to help you. I don't know how yet, but I will. I never knew what your life was like all those years we fought...I guess that's why. It's all your father's fault. Just give me one try.", the girl pleaded.

Draco pulled away and looked into her eyes. His own pleading with hers just to let him go, but after a short silence he nodded, too exhausted to argue any longer. Hermione smiled weakly, took out her wand, and conjured magical bandages that wrapped around his bloody wrists and arms. He looked to them then back to her.

"Mal--"

He cut her off. "Draco." he stated plainly, tired of being called by his last name.

"Draco, I promise I'll try my hardest to help you get through this..." she told him reassuringly.

He glanced at his arm and put a hand over his tattoo, which she hadn't yet seen. "Wait. before you promise anything...there's something you need to know..."

Hermione cocked her head to the side, the cool night breeze blowing her long brown hair about. "What?" she asked skeptically.

Draco took a deep breath and showed her his tattooed arm. "Hermione, I'm a Death Eater."

_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight  
_

_.-.-.-.TBC.-.-.-._

A/N: Wow! How was that? I don't really expect it to be that great, seeing as I wrote in the early AM. Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Dying Inside**

A/N: Good news! I think I'll be updating more often!!! Except I'm very sorry because I'll be gone for a week at camp, BUT as usual I'm taking my sketchpad/notebook with me, so late at night when everyone is snoring and its bothering the hell outta me, I'll be sitting and writing more to my stories! Also I just want to say a special thanks to...drumroll

Cinnamon: Oh, Hun! Thank you so much for reviewing!!! Your reviews are awesome and they keep me writing!!! Thank you also for recommending my story and when I get a chance I'll read Fire'N' Ice's story!!!! XoXo! hugs Oh, and if you have any instant messaging things let me know because I have AOL, MSN, ICQ, and Yahoo!, but if you have a different one, tell me n I'll try my best to download it a/s/a/p!!! Thankies!!!!! Oh, and about your question 'Why did he tell Hermione that he's a Death Eater?!'..well, it's cuz technically he IS a Death Eater except he just doesn't wanna be! In other words he's not a 'faithful' Death Eater. kk? K!

Ok, sorry for you people who don't like author notes, but I just had to put that one in! And now...OFF! TO CHAPTER...uh....5!!!!!

_**Edit:** Disregard this A/N. It's old_

.-.-.-.**Chapter 5**.-.-.-.

Hermione probably wouldn't have believed him if she hadn't seen the Mark, but she did. She would have tripped over her own feet and fell backwards if she hadn't been sitting down. To hold back a scream, she put her hands over her mouth to muffle the sound. Remembering her past encounters with Death Eaters, she new them to be only unmerciful, ruthless, terrible people; Nothing like how Draco was acting. Hermione looked at Draco, not knowing how to feel now. She was afraid. For him and for herself, now that she new he was a Death Eater. Draco turned his arm back over, shaking his head weakly.

"...It's okay. I won't hurt you. But if you want to leave now, you can...I understand why you're afraid..." he said looking down. He seemed to know exactly how she felt.

Hermione thought for a few seconds in silence, then reached over and put her somewhat trembling hand on his cold one.

"No. I promised you, Draco. And Death Eater or not, I'm keeping my promise. I want to help." she told him as she reached over hesitantly and lifted his chin slightly with the other hand so he was facing her.

"..Thank you." he whispered and squeezed her hand lightly, making her blush, although it wasn't noticeable in the dark. They sat for a short moment of silence as the chilly wind blew, rustling the leaves of the trees and making Draco shiver.

"Come on. Let's go back up to the castle. You need to get some rest, you're exhausted." Hermione stated as she stood up with him, letting go of his hand. Draco thought for a moment.

"But...there's still a problem...." he said.

"What's that?" Hermione asked.

"Well...I can't stay in the Slytherin Dorms. I'm supposed to be living with my dad for now and everyone knows that. A few of the Slytherins' parents have connections with my dad and if they find out I'm here...So does he. Until the school break is over, I don't have anywhere to stay." Draco explained.

"Hm...that is a problem...but...I have an idea. Since you most certainly can't stay in the girls dormitories, I'll convince Harry and Ron to let you stay with them. They're the only two in their dorm, everyone else is staying with their parents or something." Draco raised an eyebrow at this.

"There's no way in Hell that'll work! They hate me! They more than hate me! Potter and Weasley'd_die_ before they'd share a room with me!..I'm Draco Malfoy, if you don't remember!" Draco exclaimed.

"Oh, nonsense! Yes, I know they don't like you, but I'll get them to let you stay. I can be…quite persuasive."

"...Hermione, I don't want you to lose your best friends over me! They mean the world to you, I know they do..." He looked into her eyes seriously.

"I'm giving it a try. If they can't do something like this for me...then...they mustn't be very good friends." Hermione insisted.

Draco sighed, already tired of arguing. "If you say so......"

She nodded and they made their way up to Gryffindor Tower silently, each of them thinking deeply. Draco, thinking about...well...everything that happened that night. Hermione, hoping that Harry and Ron would let Draco stay with them, figuring out a way to convince them to........and...thinking about Draco.

_.-.-.-.TBC.-.-._

A/N: Sorry this chapter was so short, but I haven't much time to write more today and this is the best place to leave off. I tried to think of a song to go with this chapter, but I couldn't. If I find one, I'll add it as soon as I can. The next chapter might be fairly long so it may take a while for me to get it up. Thanks for reading! Oh, and something you might be wondering about---the school break thingy. Well, about that..um...I needed to put something like that in so there would be a reason for things like Draco being home during school and only Harry and Ron in a dorm, so I just thought a small school break/vacation would be okay. So...anyway. Yeah. -0.o- I confuse myself sometimes, so all I can say is: REVIEW!!! I NEED MORE!!! laughs evilly


	6. Chapter 6

**Dying Inside**

A/N: Sorry I'm taking so long to update! 0.o;;; I've been kinda busy lately and it's been REALLY sweltering hot so I've been spending most of my days swimming and haven't had much of a chance to write. Thanks to Fire'N'Ice for giving me such a wonderful review! I love long reviews! And your story 'Killing Me Slowly' is awesome! I still have to review it though! Here's chappy 6, Y'all!

_**Edit:** Disregard this A/N, it's old._

.-.-.-.**Chapter 6**.-.-.-.

The short walk to Gryffindor Tower seemed to last forever. Draco and Hermione walked in complete silence the whole way there. They finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady who was snoring rather loudly. Hermione cleared her throat which abruptly awakened her. She seemed quite annoyed.

"...Paaassword?..." the Fat Lady yawned.

"Gryffindor Pride." Hermione stated matter-of-factly.

The portrait swung open and they walked inside as it closed silently behind them.

"I don't think this is a very good idea...I should just go back..." Draco whispered to Hermione.

"No, it's okay. Come on." she said as she stopped him before checking to make sure the common room was empty. Hermione glanced across the gold and red decorated common room, and blushed slightly as she took Draco's hand, which was cold and still pretty shaky, and led him toward the Boy's Dorm.

They started up the stairs, which Hermione had been up many times before seeing as she spent a lot of her non-study time hanging out with Harry and Ron in their dormitory, Hermione in front and Draco following behind her. When they reached the top, she held him back.

"Stay here a moment. I'll go talk to them." she whispered as quietly as she could.

Draco nodded as she pushed open the creaky door, which bared the names 'Ronald Weasley' and under that, 'Harry Potter' on rectangular gold plates that changed names and added them depending on who was staying in the room. It was completely dark, other than a large, half-melted candle on the wall next to the door. Ron was snoring loudly and all that could be seen of him was a mass of messy red hair protruding from under the covers. From Harry's bed, his arm hung limply over the edge of his four-poster as he slept peacefully .

Hermione cleared her throat, hoping to wake them. Failure. She tried again much louder this time. Another failure. Becoming agitated, she put her hands on her hips and commenced stomping her foot loudly on the floor repeatedly.

"EEEH!" Ron squealed and jolted upright. "Oh, hey, Hermione." he said, just noticing her.

Harry yawned and rolled over onto his back. He sat up, scratching his messy, jet black hair.

"..What are you doing here so late?" he asked and yawned again.

"Um...Ron...Harry...I need to ask you something." she muttered, not knowing exactly what to say.

"Can't it wait till morning, 'Mione?" a half-awake Ron groaned.

"No, it's really important." Hermione told him seriously, worry noticeable in her voice.

"What is it?" Harry asked standing up and stretching his arms, clad in only his boxers.

"Well...will you do something for me? It means a lot to me and...oh, you guys, please don't be upset with me!" she pleaded, her eyes becoming glassy with tears as she ran over to Harry who was now standing next to Ron.

"Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" Harry asked becoming more concerned.

"No..._I'm_ not...but..." Hermione trailed off and she walked over to the door and poked her head out at Draco who had been leaning against the wall, listening. "Come on..." she whispered to him, putting a hand on his arm and tugging it lightly. He hesitated, but walked with her back into the room reluctantly.

As a sudden reflex, Harry and Ron grabbed their wands and pointed them at Draco as soon as they caught sight of him.

"What the bloody hell is Malfoy doing in here?!?!" Ron yelled boisterously. "Petrificus To--"

"NO!" Hermione screamed and jumped out in front of Draco before Ron finished the incantation. "I brought him here!"

"WHAT?!" Harry and Ron both looked at her at the same time, baffled.

"The..the thing is....can he stay here? Can he stay in your dormitory? Just for a little while?" she stuttered.

"No way! There is no way that slimy git is getting anywhere near me!" Ron protested, pointing his wand at Draco.

Hermione looked to Harry as a tear fell down her cheek, her eyes pleading with him.

"No..Hermione..this is _MALFOY_ if you haven't noticed!" Harry told her, not lowering his wand just yet.

"I perfectly well know who he is, I'm not stupid!"

"This is the Malfoy who calls you mudblood! And makes fun of us all the time! Don't you remember all those times he tormented us?!" he asked, raising his voice.

"He's different now! I swear!" she cried, waving her arms in emphasis, but Draco stepped forward.

Harry raised his wand more, as did Ron.

Draco turned to Hermione. "Look…Hermione...thanks so much for trying...it means a lot to me that you would go out of your way to do this...but, like I said before, I don't want you to lose your best friends over me...so..I'll just go..." he told her, close to crying, too.

Harry watched and listened to him, his expression softening slightly, but still not much. Ron, however, was still glaring angrily. In fact, if looks could kill, the whole school would be a complete massacre.

Hermione stepped forward and pulled Draco into a hug. He put his arms around her, as she cried, glancing at Harry and Ron over his shoulder. Ron looked completely disgusted.

"..Promise you'll be alright?..." she asked, sniffling.

"..Yeah.." he nodded, even if he knew he was lying to her.

Still watching them, Harry hated to see Hermione cry. Though, he couldn't get over the fact that she was crying over Malfoy. He took a deep breath.

"Fine." he muttered.

Hermione looked over to him. "What..?"

"I said fine. He can stay." he shook his head, knowing he would most likely be regretting his decision.

"WHAT?! Don't I get a say in this?!" Ron demanded, now looking confused and even more angry. His face and ears were turning red like they always do when he's mad. But Hermione ignored him, and so did Harry since Hermione was hugging him so tightly that he could hardly breathe.

"Fuck this! I'm going back to bed!" he yelled as he tore open his bed curtains and his red hair disappeared behind them.

"Oh, Harry! Thank you so much! You're the best friend anyone could ever have!!! I owe you one! No, I owe you a million!" she let go of him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before running back over to Draco, who smiled weakly before being hugged by Hermione and getting a small kiss, too. He blushed and hugged her back.

Draco Malfoy never would have thought that he would be a Death Eater, standing in the middle of a Gryffindor Dormitory, being hugged by Hermione Granger, after trying to commit suicide and running away from home.

_.-.-.-.TBC.-.-.-._

A/N: The goes another chapter! Don't ask me where that ending came from cuz I have no clue. I just needed a little something to wrap up that chapter, but it's not over yet! Find out what Harry and Ron do when they find out what happened to Draco! I have a good idea for what I'm gonna do for chapter 8 and I think chapter 7 might have a song in it! -- Thanks again to my wonderful reviewers! You're great! LY!


	7. Chapter 7

Dying Inside  
  
A/N: I'm so, so, so sorry I took so long to update, but I went on vacation and I've been pretty busy and not to mention braindead! This chapter was a bit of a challenge! Yippee! I decided to put the lyrics to'Easier To Run' by Linkin Park in this chapter. I think it goes well with what Draco is feeling at the moment. Most of my chappies are gonna have Linkin Park songs in them because the songs on Meteora are like how Draco feels in this story...yada yada yada...Also a lot of Good Charlotte. There will be others, too, except I'm not tellin what they are! You gotta keep on readin! I'm not so good at where to place the lyrics so sorry if I confuse you! The lyrics will have '/// around them! Aaannd... I feel like taking a minute to mention all of my great reviewers, too! Here they are:  
  
.~*Cinnamon*~. .~*Fire'N'Ice*~. .~*Pnayangel7o2*~. .~*Athena-Knows-All*~.  
  
.~*Mizz Chilli*~. .~*Ginny*~. .~*Elven Ice Angel*~. .~*Freyliskat*~.  
  
.~*Heikaru*~. .~*Severus' Purple Goddess*~. .~*RianSapphire9*~. .~*Amy*~.  
  
.~* The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net*~. .~*Ghost Of The Robot*~. .~*Totaloser*~.  
  
.~*Brittany*~. .~*Wolfy 65*~. .~*CBgirly2003*~. .~*Wing*~. .~*Madreamer*~.  
  
.~*Katrina aka Fudger*~. .~*Sesshomaru*~. .~*France3470*~. .~*Elfette-Gurl*~.  
  
.~*Elfgirl*~. .~*Jamie Potter*~.  
  
  
  
Okie! That's everyone! Thanks everyone! I'm so glad I'm getting more reviews! I had about 29 then I checked back and I had 43! I have 50 so far! Y'all are the best!   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 7~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
/// It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone ///  
  
Hermione let go of Draco and wiped her tear streaked face with her sleeve. She smiled at him. Draco smiled weakly back, then looked over to Harry, who glared at him.  
  
"It's late. You should get some sleep." Hermione told Draco.  
  
He nodded. "Yeah..I guess...I don't sleep much usually...but I'll try..."  
  
"Okay." she said as she turned to Harry. "Is there an extra bed he can use?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah. That one in the corner." Harry told her and pointed to the four-poster in next to his.  
  
"Thanks so much, Harry!" Hermione smiled and walked over to the empty bed with Draco walking beside her. He leaned against her shoulder slightly, as he was weak from the blood loss and long walk to Gryffindor Tower. She pulled back the covers and Draco sat down. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to get your trunk and broomstick from outside." she told him.  
  
"Okay..." Draco said and watched her leave before looking over to Harry, who was walking over to him. He looked down and pretended he hadn't noticed Harry.  
  
/// Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played ///  
  
He looked at Draco for a moment. Sort of studied his expression. Draco's eyes rested on the bandages of his thin wrists. He was even paler than usual, almost an unnatural white. A few pieces of his white-blonde hair hung in his face and the smear of blood remained on is cheek.  
  
"Why are you staying here?" Harry questioned.  
  
But before Draco began to explain, Hermione walked in with Draco's trunk and broomstick levitating behind her. "You two are talking?" she asked, amazed Harry or Ron (who was secretly listening to them from behind his bed curtains) hadn't tried to kill Draco yet.  
  
"Malfoy was going to tell me exactly why he has to stay here." Harry said shooting a sideways glance at Draco.  
  
Hermione sat the trunk down at the foot of Draco's bed along with his Firebolt. "Maybe it would be best if he doesn't relive that again tonight..." she said concerned.  
  
"No..it's okay. I guess he does have a right to know." Draco interrupted.  
  
/// If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave ///  
  
Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but didn't know what to say. "Erm...okay. Draco, I have an Essence of Murtlap potion down in my dormitory. It'll help stop the bleeding. I'll go get it. Wait 'til I get back before you explain everything..." she said scurrying out the door again.  
  
Hermione scrambled up the stairs to her dorm and rummaged through her dresser drawers looking for the potion. She found it rather quickly and sat it down carefully on the floor before getting a small, blue, ceramic bowl and some hot water. Slowly she poured the water into the bowl and added some Essence of Murtlap. Grabbing a small cloth, Hermione picked it up and carefully carried it back to Harry and Ron's dorm without spilling a drop. She pushed open the slightly ajar door and kicked it shut behind her.  
  
Harry and Draco looked up as Hermione brought the potion over to them.   
  
"You might want to get ready for bed and comfortable before I start to fix you up..." She said with a smile to Draco as she sat the potion and cloth down on the dresser next to the bed.  
  
/// It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something more  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone ///  
  
"Er..okay..." He replied and shrugged off his long coat, revealing a white muscle shirt. He motioned for Hermione and Harry to turn around while he took off his baggy, black jeans and shirt, leaving him in black boxers with green flame patterns on them. Draco sighed an 'okay' and sat back down as they turned around. Hermione blushed red when she saw him. He had a perfect body; not way too muscular, but not scrawny. A Seeker's body. She was use to seeing Ron and Harry in their boxers (since they had quite a few sleepovers during the summer), but not Draco...he was...well...Draco. What more can I say?  
  
Harry sat down on Draco's trunk near the foot of the bed and Hermione sat on the edge of the bed next to Draco.  
  
"What's happened to you, Malfoy?" Harry asked.  
  
Draco raised his eyes to look at Harry. The icy grey seemed to melt, and Harry saw a another trapped, scared Draco deep in the recesses of his enemy's eyes. He sighed again and looked down at his arm. Harry had a feeling he already knew and felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Draco showed Harry his arm, which still felt like it was burning.  
  
/// Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past ///  
  
"I knew it. I knew you'd go over to His side. Your whole family are Death Eaters. You're gonna be just like your father--" started Harry before being interrupted.  
  
"No. I won't. I didn't choose this...they..they made me do it, Harry." Draco said, tears filling his eyes again.  
  
'Harry'. The name sounded so different coming from Malfoy, thought Harry.  
  
" 'They'? Who's 'they'?"   
  
"Voldemort...and...and my father." Draco answered while Hermione took his hand and began to unravel the bandage on his wrist.  
  
/// If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave ///  
  
"...your own father put you through that?" asked Harry, his voice not so harsh. Draco nodded. "How could he watch his own son--" he was interrupted again by Draco.  
  
"Heh...he loved it. I know he did. He loves beating me and torturing me...he does it every day..." A tear fell.  
  
"He beats you?" Harry's voice was normal now, even sympathetic.  
  
"Yeah, everyday...I use concealing charms to cover it all up...the scars and bruises..." And another.  
  
"Surely your mother tried to stop him!" The-Boy-Who-Lived exclaimed.  
  
"....She tried...he just beat her, too. She tried to stop him tonight...didn't work. And now next time...I won't have her there. He killed her and i...it's my fault. My mother's dead because of me...so...tonight I tried to put a stop to it. All my pain and torture...and the pain I've caused...the world would've been better off without me and I know it. And now that I'm a Death Eater I won't have much of a life anyway...if I could change and take back everything, I would...but I can't..." Draco explained and and looked down, sobbing.  
  
/// Just washing it aside  
  
All of the helplessness inside  
  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  
It's so much simpler than change ///  
  
"...I'm sorry...I had no idea. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.." Harry apologized feeling truly guilty.  
  
"S'okay..." said Draco as Hermione removed the remainder of the bandage, revealing long, deep, bloody gashes on Draco's pale wrist and Harry winced. She dipped the cloth into the potion and rung it back out. Lowering it to his wrist, Draco shuddered, but the warm Essence of Murtlap felt soothing and stopped the blood flow. After watching Hermione tend to both wrists, Harry stood up.   
  
"I'm going to get back to bed. Again, I really am sorry. If there's anything I can do, let me know. G'night 'Mione. Malfoy." he told them.  
  
" 'Night, Harry. And thanks." Hermione replied as Harry disappeared behind his bed curtains.  
  
Draco watched Hermione's hands gingerly bandage his wrists again. She lifted his chin with her delicate hand and pushed the hair out of his eyes, still blushing slightly. He smiled looked into her eyes as she wiped the blood and tears from his cheeks. His eyes still had tears in them as she set down the cloth and hugged him.  
  
/// It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something more  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone ///  
  
"You'll be okay. Don't blame yourself for what happend to your mum...it wasn't your fault. I'm sure she was a great woman and if she died saving you, her death wasn't in vain. She loved you very much..." Hermione reassured him, as she stood up. He nodded.   
  
"Good night, Draco. Try to get some sleep." she said and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"Good night, Hermione. Thank you...for everything." Draco said, one last tear falling as he smiled weakly and watched her leave. He layed back and pulled up a sheet. Hermione was the last thing he thought about before drifting off into dreamless sleep.  
  
/// It's easier to run  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made  
  
It's easier to go  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave ///  
  
~~~TBC~~~  
  
A/N: W00t! FINALLY! I got stuck on a few parts of that chapter! *cries* School starts in 2 weeks!!!! : '( I'm gonna diiiiiiieeee! Oh, how will I ever survive?! 0.o;;; Okay, well R&R. Yah know, the usual. Thanks! 


	8. Another AN

Author Note: Okay, I am SO sorry about this! There are a few reasons why I discontinued it-

1) I just lost interest in this after rereading it and I realized:...the way I wrote this is absolutely TERRIBLE. I can't believe I even posted it. --hangs head in shame of her horrible past ways of writing-- Wow. It just..sucks. I hate the description, the way the sentences are formed, everything! .

2) And another reason is that I'm pretty much a complete slasher now, I'm starting to just hate all hetero-pairings. All I read is slash...It's so addictive and hot as hell.

BUT, there is hope! --insert dramatic ray of light here-- I'm going to rewrite the whole thing and fix it all up! Not changing the plot or anything, but improving it and making it the best I can. I'll try to get it done as soon as possible. I have 2 study halls in a row so I'll work on it then. ) I would like to thank my most recent reviewers Anime Girl123 and Oceanguardian for urging me to write more. If I hadn't gotten those reviews I would've left this fic dead. So thanks!


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